Evolved Parent


Every parent desires to raise a successful child who will one day become self-sufficient. You want your child to be able to manage and make decisions on his own, at some point. If this is your wish (which I know that it is since you are reading this), the work must begin now.


As a school counselor, I have found that there are some parents who teach their children to take responsibility for their actions.  They call things the way that they see them. The child with this type of parent will grow to become responsible.  On the flip side, there are parents who enable their children.  You might ask, "How do I know if I am enabling my child?"  Here are a few indicators to help you evaluate if you are an enabler:


  • When your child gets into trouble at school, it is never his / her fault.  You blame the teacher, principal, or another student because your child never does anything wrong.    Parents, if you blame everything on everyone else, your child will grow up to be an arrogant and irresponsible adult because she will think that she does no wrong.  Children who fit in this category are often "uncoachable" because they can never take responsibility for their choices or actions. 


  • Your child does not have any responsibility at home.  You do all the hard work, while your kid is playing games, talking on the phone, or doing homework.   Children who don't have responsibility as children, often grow up to be lazy employees, parents, and spouses. 


  • You do everything for your child, i.e. pick his clothes out every day, make all his decisions for him, tell him  what he wants to eat when you go to a restaurant, pack his lunch even though he is old enough to do it himself. These children lack confidence when they grow up because they don't trust their own decisions, skills and intelligence.  


Parents, you have a powerful role.  God has blessed you to mold, coach, nurture and love children. You have been divinely chosen to coach your child.  Your role is to teach your children how to do things for themselves so that will remember the skills when they get older.  What are you teaching your child?  What lessons are they learning from you?  Here are some strategies you can use to help your child evolve.


1. Teach your child take responsibility for his actions.  In other words, don't be in denial about your child when he does something out of character.  Don't be defensive to the point that no one can tell you the truth about your child (including teachers, neighbors, family and friends).


2. Allow your child the opportunity to right his wrongs.  When he makes bad choice, teach him that how to correct the situation which includes apologizing, repaying, etc.


3. Give your child the opportunity to make decisions.  This will give you the opportunity to coach her through the decision making process. 


4. Teach your child social skills, i.e. (greet adults properly,  say "Good Morning, Have a Good Day,  Thank You and Excuse Me."


5. Praise your child when you see him make strides of success.  This will build his confidence.

Remember, you are divinely appointed to train your child.  You may not be a biological parent.  However, you have been still chosen to be a coach. Your job is to train your child for adulthood.  They spend more years being an adult than a child.  One day, s/he will be an adult along with you.   

Do you know a child with an absent parent? Learn how you can positively impact a child forever. Read the article below!